“I wrote this on a rainy day last weekend after a conversation with my friend about the person who broke my heart. I told her that we haven’t spoken in almost 100 days now and she said to me, “Why do you like him anyway? You always knew he was a complete jerk.” And that’s when I figured it out. Who you fall in love with isn’t a choice. One day, your heart can belong to no one, and the next, it’s invested in somebody like you never imagined, and with it comes vulnerability. That person is now free to do whatever they want with it and you let them, because getting any fragment of attention from them is better than being ignored completely. There are certain people who you care about simply because you need to. This year, I stopped caring about a lot of stuff – fake friends, bad grades, being skinny – but it was really important for me to continue to care for him, because when you’re growing up, you learn to back away from the war that is life and just cling to all you’ve got, and when you’re young and what you have isn’t a lot, you stick to something that feels familiar, even if it’s wrong. And he’s familiar to me. But he’s trouble. He’s a mess. And he’s breaking my heart.”
Written by porcelain—bones