This weekend I rewatched WarGames (1983), and then followed it up with Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970).
Both movies sit in the same uneasy space: the fear that computers might one day take control of nuclear weapons, lock humans out of the process, and decide the fate of the world with cold logic.
It’s a powerful idea. It’s also not how the real world works — and never really has.
The Movies Get the Premise Wrong, but the Fear Right
In these films, the danger comes from automation itself. The computer becomes agentic. Autonomous. Untouchable.
In reality, nuclear command-and-control has always been deliberately human-heavy. Painfully so.
Yes, there is automation — and more of it now than there used to be. Targeting, analysis, routing, correlation of data: those things have increasingly been handed to machines. I’m not sure I love that, to be honest.
But validation, verification, and execution? Those still sit with people.
Not one person. Many people.
Processes exist specifically to prevent blind action.
Movies often get this part closer than people think:
Turning keys
Pulling triggers
Pressing buttons
Reading messages back
Confirming again
That is real. Because real systems rely on process, not heroics.
Submarines, Crews, and the Human Layer
Submarines are a good example of how misleading the “single button” myth is.
Nothing important happens because one person decides something on a whim. It happens because a crew agrees that a process has been followed correctly.
A message arrives. It’s evaluated. It’s questioned. It’s verified.
And yes — it can be challenged.
People imagine submarines as disconnected from reality, sealed off from the world. That’s not quite true. Crews receive information constantly — news, summaries, updates — but only what they’re fed.
That matters.
If the information stream says the world is unraveling, conflict is escalating, and everything aligns with an order that arrives? It may feel logical not to question it.
But if nothing suggests global chaos — if the world seems stable — that same order might trigger doubt.
The decision doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Context matters. Humans matter.
Where AI Actually Is Different — and Why That’s Uncomfortable
What worries people today isn’t that AI presses a button.
It’s the idea that systems might begin processing outcomes without requiring human interaction — not execution, but judgment.
That’s a subtler fear. And a more realistic one.
We’re constantly told, “That will never happen.” But we’re also told that viruses will never escape labs… until they do.
Tell me AI plus malicious code isn’t a possibility. Tell me agentic systems won’t be attempted by someone who wants to use them for harm instead of good.
They will be.
That doesn’t mean AI is evil. It means humans are consistent.
AI as a Tool, Not a Replacement
Here’s the part that gets lost in the noise.
AI is not “just Google.”
Google gives you the most optimized answer someone wants you to see. AI lets you interrogate information.
You can:
Ask follow-up questions
Explore edge cases
Challenge assumptions
Learn faster and deeper
That’s a big deal.
I’ve seen this firsthand. In Six Sigma work, for example, AI integrated with tools like Excel can now run analyses that once required specialized plugins and deep statistical knowledge — and then explain the results clearly to people who never really understood what the charts meant in the first place.
That’s not dumbing things down. That’s lifting people up.
Yes, There’s a Lot of Crap Right Now
Let’s be honest: a lot of what’s flooding the internet is garbage.
Twenty versions of the same AI art style. Endless cloned aesthetics. “Make your profile using this exact look.”
It’s lazy. And exhausting.
But that’s a phase — not the destination.
The same thing happened with websites. With social media. With digital photography.
Eventually, the novelty fades. What’s left are people who understand the tools and people who don’t.
And the people who understand them will move faster, think deeper, and build better things.
The SailorJ Take
Don’t be afraid of AI.
Be afraid of not understanding it.
Used well, it’s not a shortcut — it’s an amplifier. It doesn’t replace learning. It accelerates it.
And unlike the movies, the real danger isn’t a machine deciding our fate.
It’s humans refusing to stay in the loop.
That’s where responsibility has always lived. That’s where it still belongs.
I grew up Gen X — back when telephones were tethered to the wall and you actually had to be home to answer one. No pagers, no text bubbles, no phantom vibrations. Just a coiled cord and your own damn patience.
Then came cell phones — those indestructible Nokias — and suddenly we could send tiny bursts of text through a number pad. You had to press the same key three times to make a single letter, and somehow we still thought it was magic.
Now? Our phones are full-blown computers. Texting isn’t even “texting” anymore; it’s data. Every word we send is just another packet floating in the digital bloodstream.
And that evolution — that jump from physical to digital connection — is exactly where we lost something human.
The Modern Courtesy No One Talks About
In the old corporate world, we used read receipts in email to confirm someone actually saw what we sent. It wasn’t about paranoia; it was about respect. “You got my message. I know you did.” It closed the loop.
Texting has that same feature — Delivered and Read — but for some reason, people treat it like a privacy invasion instead of the social courtesy it is.
Here’s the truth:
Everyone checks their phone. Constantly.
If it’s not in their hand, it’s buzzing on their wrist. We live in a world of constant digital awareness, and pretending otherwise is pure performance.
The Rude Myth of ‘No Response is a Response’
When someone turns off read receipts, what they’re really saying is:
“You don’t deserve to know if I’ve seen you.”
That’s not mystery; that’s control.
That’s a soft form of ghosting dressed up as boundaries.
Sure, sometimes you’re not ready to respond — fine. Read the message, take a beat, respond later. But own it. Don’t hide behind the excuse of “I didn’t see it.” We both know you did.
A Feedback Loop is the Foundation of Respect
Communication isn’t a one-way transmission into the void. It’s a loop.
You send. I receive. I acknowledge.
When that loop breaks — when messages fall into black holes — relationships start to feel transactional instead of mutual. That’s when friendship becomes customer service: unanswered tickets piling up in emotional inboxes.
So yeah, turning off read receipts? That’s not protecting your peace.
That’s dodging accountability.
A Note for the Unaware (and the Overwhelmed)
Now, for the folks who simply don’t know — I get it. Maybe when you first set up your phone, you disabled read receipts because it sounded invasive. Maybe you upgraded, switched platforms, or hit “Don’t Allow” on some privacy prompt years ago and never thought twice. Or maybe you’ve got Do Not Disturb or Focus Mode running half the time because the digital noise is constant, and your phone’s learned to shield you from it.
Technology’s tricky like that — every update adds another layer of settings, toggles, and pop-ups until even the most tech-savvy sailor can’t keep track. You silence one notification and accidentally ghost everyone.
So if that’s you, this isn’t a scolding — it’s a nudge. Go into your settings, flip the switch, and rejoin the human feedback loop. Transparency builds trust. And in a world where most of us are drowning in digital static, a little intentional clarity goes a long way.
Perspective Check: The Other Side of the Coin
But let’s be honest — the other side of this story isn’t all bad. Constant connection is still a new thing, historically speaking. It wasn’t long ago that if you left the house, you were gone. Nobody expected instant replies because you were living your life — unreachable, and rightfully so.
I came across a post that nailed it perfectly:
“It’s a relatively new phenomenon that basically anyone in your life gets access to you at all times. It was only 20 years ago that if you left the house for the day, you were actually gone. You’d return messages when you came back hours or even days later.”
And that’s fair — it’s not crazy to crave that kind of peace again.We’ve blurred the line between being available and being alive.
So no, this isn’t about demanding instant replies or turning your life into a customer service desk. It’s about acknowledgment. You don’t have to answer right away. Just let people know you’re there, aware, and connected — that you saw their message, even if you’re not ready to respond yet.
We’re Not in High School Anymore
It’s 2025. We can handle the truth.
If someone messages you to ask about dinner plans, or to tell you someone passed away, or just to reach out — the least you can do is let them know the message landed.
Turning off read receipts doesn’t make you mysterious.
It makes you unreliable.
And in a hyper-connected world, unreliability is the new rudeness.
So go ahead — flip the switch. Let people know when you’ve read what they sent.
You might be surprised how much more human conversation feels when nobody’s pretending they’re offline.
Why Some Words Just Feel Wrong — Even When They’re Meant to Be Friendly
Language is weird. A single word, said the wrong way or by the wrong person, can trigger a visceral response. For me, that word is “kiddo.” I can’t stand it. Every time someone drops a casual “Hey, kiddo”, I feel like I’m being patted on the head by someone who thinks they’re wiser than they are.
The weird part? It’s supposed to be friendly. So why does it land like a condescending slap in the face?
Let’s break it down — the origins of these words, why they irritate some of us, and the social signals they unintentionally send.
🧒 Where “Kiddo” Comes From
The word kiddo emerged in early 20th-century American slang. It’s a combo of kid (used for “child” since the 1590s) and the informal suffix -o, which we also see in words like weirdo or sicko. It was meant to be endearing, used mainly by adults toward younger people — usually with a wink and a gravelly old-timey voice.
Think 1930s pulp novel dialogue:
“You’ve got guts, kiddo. I’ll give you that.”
But while it may have started as affection, over time, the word picked up a kind of performative warmth — something that sounds sweet but feels like an inside joke you weren’t invited to.
😠 Why “Kiddo”(and Similar Words) Can Be a Turn-Off
It all comes down to tone, context, and power dynamics.
Condescension – “Kiddo” implies you’re being addressed as someone younger, smaller, or less experienced — even if that’s not true.
Forced familiarity – It skips past authentic connection and dives headfirst into faux intimacy.
Mismatch – Sometimes, the word doesn’t match the relationship at all — like a coworker calling you “kiddo” in a meeting. Who asked?
Cultural fatigue – Some words get worn out in parenting blogs, forced cuteness, or folksy charm offensives. “Kiddo” is one of those.
And for the record, it gets worse when paired with a certain tone of voice — the syrupy sing-song or the gruff dad voice. Shivers.
🤷♂️ Is “Kiddies”Any Better?
A little… but not by much.
“Kiddies” tends to describe a group of actual children, so it’s less likely to be used at you. It’s still sugary and infantilizing, but it doesn’t usually hit the same personal nerve. That said, it’s the go-to word of overly enthusiastic children’s entertainers and passive-aggressive Facebook moms. So, yeah. Proceed with caution.
🚩 A Whole Cringe Parade: Words That Can Feel Off
Let’s expand the list. These are words that, like kiddo, are often meant to sound warm or playful — but instead trigger mild-to-severe discomfort in adults:
Infantilizing or Patronizing
Sport – Feels like a coach who peaked in high school.
Champ – Usually said just before someone passive-aggressively dunks on you.
Buddy – Friendly? Maybe. Condescending? Often.
Tiger – Why are you calling me that?
Chief – Feels like you’re being managed.
Big guy – Weird when you’re not physically large. Also overused.
Sunshine – Too sweet. Sounds like someone’s about to fake a smile through clenched teeth.
Princess – Often sarcastic or dismissive.
Sweetie / Hun / Sugar – Acceptable from your grandma. Not from a stranger, boss, or coffee shop flirt.
Baby girl – Instant red flag unless Beyoncé is saying it.
Faux-Familiar or Overly Casual
Boss – Can be sarcastic or overly casual. Sometimes lands, sometimes flops.
Pal – Has major fight-in-a-parking-lot energy.
Friend – Weird when used by people who clearly aren’t your friend.
Dear – Old-fashioned and sometimes layered with judgment.
Bro / Bruh / Broseph – Vibe depends heavily on your age, location, and whether you’re holding a protein shake.
Fam – Works if you’re Gen Z. Otherwise, feels try-hard.
Dude – Honestly one of the safest on the list, but it’s starting to show its age.
👬 And Then There’s “Brother”…
Let’s take a moment to spotlight this one.
Some men really, really mean it when they say “brother.” It’s heartfelt. It’s soul-deep. It’s a bond. And… yeah. It’s still kinda cringe.
Why “Brother” Can Be Awkward:
It assumes deep familiarity, sometimes too fast.
It’s heavily tied to subcultures — military, church groups, frats, biker gangs — and outside of those, it can feel like someone’s borrowing the word.
It often comes with intensity that doesn’t match the situation. If I just handed you a wrench, we don’t need to seal our brotherhood with a handshake and eye contact.
Unless you’re quoting Hulk Hogan or performing in a Southern Baptist choir, maybe just… don’t.
🎯 So What ShouldWe Say?
Let’s be clear — not all casual terms of endearment are bad. It’s about context, authenticity, and tone. Here are some alternatives that usually land better:
Hey, friend – Keep it warm, not weird.
Good to see you – Easy, genuine, no awkward nicknames.
What’s up, man? – Relaxed and neutral.
You good? – Informal, modern, not fake-friendly.
Hey there – A classic that doesn’t presume anything.
Just speak like a human. No gimmicks needed.
🧠 Final Thought
Words carry emotional weight. They’re loaded with history, culture, tone, and personal baggage. It’s okay to have pet peeves. It’s okay to cringe at kiddo. You’re not uptight — you’re just attuned to the subtleties of human interaction.
So the next time someone throws a “Hey there, champ” your way, feel free to flinch internally.
An emotional and philosophical exploration of divine silence in a chaotic world
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what if absence just makes you feel…abandoned?
You light the candle. You whisper the prayer. You try to believe in something bigger than your rent, your inbox, and the pit of dread that opens every time the news loads. And yet, nothing answers. No signs. No miracles. No gentle whisper in the storm. Just static. Just silence.
If God’s not dead, then where the hell is He?
Not in the hospitals. Not in the border camps. Not in the thunderous echo chambers of politics where people speak in His name but act in their own. He’s not in the sky anymore—Elon took care of that. He’s not in your phone either, unless He’s posing as an Instagram life coach promising “vibrations” in exchange for $9.99 a month.
This isn’t atheism. This is ghosting.
We matched on the app of religion. We flirted with ritual. We texted at midnight when we were lonely and left “unread.” And now we’re in that hazy limbo where we don’t know if we’re being tested… or just ignored.
We used to scream “Why me?”
Now we whisper “Are You there?”
And then we wonder if we’re just talking to ourselves, an echo chamber with stained glass.
But maybe that’s the point.
Maybe the silence is the answer.
Maybe divinity isn’t in what we hear—but in what we do when we hear nothing.
Maybe faith isn’t obedience but perseverance: showing up to the conversation even when it’s a one-sided monologue.
Maybe God’s gone quiet so we can learn to speak.
Not at each other, not for Him, but to each other.
In the hungry look of the stranger.
In the trembling voice of the addict.
In the laughter of someone who still dares to believe in joy.
Or maybe God just ghosted us because we wouldn’t stop posting fake versions of ourselves online.
Have you ever wondered about the everyday misconceptions we take for granted? Let’s dive into some surprising truths behind common beliefs:
1. Pencils and Lead:
Many people still believe that the core of a pencil is made of lead, which is why we often hear the phrase “lead pencil.” However, pencils have never contained actual lead. Instead, the writing material inside a pencil is made of graphite, a form of carbon. This misconception dates back centuries, to a time when graphite was first discovered and misunderstood. Because graphite had a similar appearance to lead, early chemists and scholars mistakenly assumed it was a type of lead ore. The name stuck, even after scientists determined that graphite was a completely different element.
The confusion began in the 16th century when a large deposit of pure graphite was discovered in Borrowdale, England. At the time, people used this soft, dark material to mark surfaces, and its smooth writing quality quickly made it popular for use in writing and drawing. Since graphite looked like lead but had a much darker and smoother mark, people referred to it as plumbago, which comes from the Latin word for lead, plumbum. Even though the chemical differences between lead and graphite were later identified, the name lead pencil remained in everyday language.
Real lead is a toxic metal, and prolonged exposure to it can cause serious health problems, including lead poisoning. Fortunately, graphite is entirely non-toxic, making it safe for everyday use. This means that even if someone accidentally ingests a bit of pencil graphite or gets it on their skin, there’s no risk of lead poisoning. In fact, the outer wood casing of a pencil is more likely to be harmful if swallowed than the graphite itself. This is an important distinction, especially when considering children’s safety in schools and homes.
To enhance the usability of graphite, manufacturers mix it with clay to create different grades of hardness and darkness in pencils. This process was perfected by Nicolas-Jacques Conté, a French inventor, in the late 18th century. By adjusting the ratio of clay to graphite, pencil makers could produce a wide range of grades, from soft and dark (used for sketching) to hard and light (ideal for technical drawings). This grading system, which includes familiar labels like HB and 2B, helps artists, writers, and engineers choose the right pencil for their needs.
Despite the widespread knowledge that pencils do not contain lead, the term lead pencil remains deeply embedded in language and culture. Even today, people might worry about “lead poisoning” if they accidentally poke themselves with a pencil or get graphite on their hands. However, modern science has long debunked this myth, and we now know that pencils are entirely safe. Understanding the true history of pencils not only clears up a common misconception but also highlights the fascinating ways in which language and history shape the way we talk about everyday objects.
2. The Myth of the 10% Brain Usage
One of the most persistent and misleading myths about the human brain is the idea that we only use 10% of it. This notion has been widely spread through pop culture, motivational speeches, and even some educational settings. The idea suggests that if we could somehow unlock the remaining 90%, we would gain extraordinary abilities, such as heightened intelligence, photographic memory, or even telepathic powers. However, modern neuroscience has thoroughly debunked this claim. Brain scans and research studies consistently show that nearly every part of the brain is active at some point throughout the day, regardless of whether we are awake or asleep.
The human brain is a marvel of biology, consisting of approximately 86 billion neurons that communicate through complex networks of synapses. Different parts of the brain are responsible for different functions, such as movement, memory, language, and problem-solving. Even seemingly simple activities, like picking up a cup of coffee, involve multiple brain regions working together. The frontal lobe helps with decision-making, the motor cortex controls movement, and the sensory cortex processes touch and temperature. If we truly only used 10% of our brain, we would struggle to perform even the most basic tasks.
This myth likely originated from misinterpretations of neurological studies in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Some early neuroscientists observed that a portion of the brain’s neurons did not always fire simultaneously, leading to the mistaken belief that those inactive neurons were unused. In reality, neurons fire selectively based on the task at hand, and different areas of the brain engage at different times. Brain imaging technologies, such as fMRI and PET scans, have proven that there is no single dormant section of the brain—every part plays a role, even when at rest.
Compared to other species, the human brain is uniquely complex, particularly in areas related to higher-order thinking, creativity, and social interaction. While animals such as dolphins, elephants, and certain primates display advanced cognitive abilities, the human brain’s adaptability, language comprehension, and abstract reasoning set it apart. This evolution has given us the ability to innovate, plan for the future, and build civilizations. Unlike computers, which rely on binary code and rigid processing, the brain is highly adaptable, rewiring itself based on experience—a process known as neuroplasticity.
Rather than focusing on the myth of unlocking hidden brain potential, a better approach is to optimize how we use the brain we already have. Regular mental stimulation, learning new skills, engaging in physical activity, and maintaining social connections all contribute to brain health. Instead of searching for a hidden 90%, we should focus on improving memory, problem-solving, and creativity through practice and lifelong learning. Understanding how our brain truly works allows us to appreciate its full potential—without relying on outdated myths.
3. Knuckle Cracking Myth
Many people believe that cracking your knuckles will lead to arthritis later in life. This myth has been passed down for generations, often as a warning from parents and teachers trying to discourage the habit. The belief likely stems from the idea that repeated joint manipulation could cause wear and tear, eventually leading to conditions like osteoarthritis. However, scientific research has shown that there is no link between knuckle cracking and arthritis. Despite the unsettling sound, cracking your knuckles does not cause long-term joint damage.
The cracking noise comes from the rapid release of gas bubbles within the synovial fluid—a lubricating substance that helps joints move smoothly. When you stretch or pull your fingers, the pressure in the joint decreases, allowing dissolved gases (mostly nitrogen) to form bubbles. When these bubbles collapse or burst, they create the characteristic popping sound. This process is called cavitation and is a completely natural occurrence in joint movement. It takes about 15 to 30 minutes for the gases to dissolve back into the fluid, which is why you can’t immediately crack the same knuckle again.
Multiple studies have investigated the effects of habitual knuckle cracking. One of the most famous experiments was conducted by Dr. Donald Unger, who cracked the knuckles on one hand daily for over 60 years while leaving the other hand untouched. After decades of comparison, there was no noticeable difference in arthritis development between the two hands. Other medical studies have also found no correlation between knuckle cracking and joint deterioration. While excessive force or repeated strain on joints can potentially cause ligament or tendon damage, the simple act of cracking knuckles is not harmful.
Although knuckle cracking doesn’t cause arthritis, it may lead to other minor effects. Some studies suggest that frequent knuckle cracking could result in temporary swelling or a reduction in grip strength over time, though these effects are generally mild. Additionally, because the sound can be annoying to others, the biggest consequence might be social rather than medical. If done excessively, it could also indicate nervous energy or be a subconscious habit, similar to nail-biting or foot tapping. However, in terms of joint health, there is no strong evidence that it causes any serious problems.
So, if you enjoy cracking your knuckles, there’s no need to worry about arthritis. The myth has been debunked by science, and while excessive joint manipulation isn’t necessarily encouraged, casual knuckle cracking is harmless. Understanding the real mechanics behind this common habit helps dispel unnecessary fears and allows us to appreciate how our bodies function. Next time someone warns you that cracking your knuckles will lead to arthritis, you can confidently tell them that science says otherwise!
4. Goldfish Memory Myth
One of the most commonly repeated myths about goldfish is that they have a memory span of only three seconds. This idea has been widely accepted and even joked about in pop culture, often used to describe forgetful people. However, this claim is entirely false. Scientific research has proven that goldfish have impressive memory capabilities, often retaining information for months. These small aquatic creatures are far more intelligent than they are given credit for, capable of learning and remembering complex behaviors over time.
Studies conducted by scientists have demonstrated that goldfish can recognize patterns, solve simple puzzles, and even be trained to perform tricks. Researchers have trained goldfish to associate certain sounds or colors with food, and the fish were able to remember these associations weeks or even months later. In some experiments, goldfish were conditioned to push levers for food or navigate mazes, showing that they can learn and recall problem-solving techniques over time. This level of cognitive ability disproves the outdated assumption that they forget everything within seconds.
Goldfish memory plays a crucial role in their survival, especially in the wild. In natural environments, goldfish need to remember the locations of food sources, recognize potential predators, and navigate familiar territories. Their ability to retain this information allows them to adapt to their surroundings and improve their chances of survival. Even in home aquariums, goldfish can recognize their owners, distinguish between different people, and learn feeding schedules. Many goldfish will swim to the surface or become more active when they see their owner approaching, expecting food based on past experiences.
The persistence of the three-second memory myth likely comes from the fact that goldfish are often kept in small bowls with minimal stimulation. Without an enriched environment, their behaviors may seem repetitive, leading to the false impression that they are constantly forgetting their surroundings. However, when given a more stimulating habitat—such as a larger tank with decorations, plants, and tank mates—goldfish exhibit a wide range of learning behaviors. This suggests that they are not only capable of remembering information but also benefiting from mental engagement.
Understanding the truth about goldfish intelligence helps us appreciate these creatures in a new way. Rather than being simple, forgetful animals, goldfish have cognitive abilities that allow them to adapt and learn from their environment. This also means that goldfish deserve proper care and enrichment in captivity, including a spacious tank and mental stimulation to keep them engaged. So, the next time someone repeats the myth about goldfish having a three-second memory, you can confidently tell them that these little swimmers are much smarter than they seem!
Well happy Saturday here are a few Instagram posts today that I thought were pretty cool and wanted to share them. Of course there’s me working out at the track in Cocoa Beach. Trying to keep my fitness going. I’m not crazy fast, but I’m not slow either tracking in with a 7’43”/mile pace not too shabby for the 400 m some other things here in the Instagram posts, maybe I’ll make this a weekly thing or something like that. I think it’s probably a good thing to do. Maybe I can embed some other social media posts here once a week the best of the best so give it a shot. Hope you enjoy it.
Love is one of the most powerful forces in the world—a force that can build, heal, and inspire. But when love is wasted, when time is invested in someone who refuses to heal, the aftermath can be devastating. For many, ghosting has become a common escape route, a way to avoid dealing with emotions, confrontation, and self-growth. But this behavior isn’t just about vanishing from someone’s life; it’s about the ripple effect of destruction that follows in its wake.
When a woman—broken, unhealed, and unwilling to face her own pain—chooses to ghost rather than communicate, she is not just protecting herself. She is actively harming the person who cared, who invested time, energy, and love into something real. The silence left behind is not empty; it is filled with confusion, self-doubt, and unresolved emotions for the one left behind. And in reality, the ghoster herself is often running in circles, trapped in her own cycle of avoidance and unhealed wounds.
The modern world encourages detachment. We are told to move on quickly, to cut people off, to protect our peace at any cost. But what if the cost is too great? What if, in dodging pain, we create more of it? A woman who ghosts may think she is sparing herself discomfort, but she is also denying herself the opportunity to grow, to confront, and to heal in a way that fosters real emotional maturity.
Love deserves closure, even if that closure is difficult. Conversations may be uncomfortable, but they are necessary. They offer clarity, respect, and an end to speculation. Without them, wounds linger longer than they should, and both parties suffer. The one ghosted questions their worth, while the ghoster remains trapped in a pattern of avoidance that will repeat itself in future relationships.
To those who have been ghosted—know this: it was never about you. It was about someone who could not bear to face themselves. Your love was not wasted; your time was not in vain. Growth comes from pain, and through it, you will rise stronger.
To those who ghost—healing does not come from running. It comes from facing what scares you, from learning to communicate, and from giving others the respect of closure. Growth only happens when we break cycles, not when we reinforce them.
Love is never truly wasted, but time is precious. How we handle both speaks to the depth of our character. Choose growth over avoidance. Choose healing over hurt. Choose to face, rather than to fade.
I’m probably the first to admit that you don’t really get a choice in who you fall in love with. In my 55 years of living, I’ve learned that there are some people who will stick with you for your entire life. These are the people you will always hold a place for in your heart, the ones you’ll love forever.
I don’t know why it works that way. One day, you meet someone, and from that moment, it’s like a part of you decides they’re your person. I have one of those people in my life.
That’s not to say I haven’t loved others. Love is abundant, something we’re capable of feeling and sharing with many people. Yet, for some reason, we’ve been conditioned to believe love must be exclusive—that you can only focus on one person at a time. Relationships? That’s different. Relationships require boundaries, commitment, and exclusivity. But love? Love is bigger than that. You can have meaningful connections with multiple people, and it’s just as real every time.
The tricky part is reciprocity. When someone reciprocates your feelings, it’s an incredible experience. But putting yourself out there, risking rejection—that’s where fear creeps in. That’s why we call it a “crush”—because the rejection can truly crush you. Before the reveal, it’s just infatuation, a sweet, unspoken thing. But once you confess your feelings, it becomes real.
Back to the person who’s held my heart for what feels like a lifetime. I don’t think these feelings will ever fade. Does that stop me from pursuing other connections? Not at all. I’m not stuck. But if the opportunity arose, if the stars aligned, you can bet I’d take the leap.
Why not? At this point in my life, what do I have to lose? That’s the thing about love: it feels risky. There’s a fear of losing something—your dignity, your pride, your heart. And maybe that’s why we keep silent.
I’ve also learned that not every deep connection is romantic. Sometimes people think you’re in love with them when you’re not. You can gel with someone beautifully and still have it be purely platonic—a deep, amazing friendship. And friendships are treasures. But love? Love is something else entirely.
Love isn’t about sex, beauty, or fleeting moments of passion. Sure, those things might play a part, but they aren’t the foundation. For me, it’s not about oxytocin or hormones. Love is something mental, almost magical. I’ve said before that I’m sapiosexual—drawn to intelligence—and there’s truth in that. I’ve let go of people in my life who couldn’t meet me as an equal. And yes, it’s better to be alone than to settle. Settling for a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you is one of the worst things you can do.
If it’s not working, if it’s all fights and fear, get out. There should be no mediocrity in love. Mediocre relationships aren’t relationships—they’re conveniences at best.
Here’s the truth: you’ll likely love multiple people in your life. Some loves will last a lifetime, and others will come and go like a random Tuesday. Each connection will bring its own magic, and some might stay while others fade. Love is recognizing that the person you’re with makes your life a little better every time you’re with them.
It’s not just cuddling on the couch or romantic gestures. Love is mental. It’s the unspoken magic of being understood, of feeling seen. And when you find someone who gets you and wants you as much as you want them? That’s the rare, extraordinary thing.
So when I say you don’t get a choice, I mean it. Love finds you, whether you’re ready or not. It’s like Cupid’s arrow—it strikes, and suddenly, you’re smitten. You meet this person, and you just know: They’re it.
And after that, you’re stuck—in the best way possible.
You know, I am reading a number of my friends or acquaintances postings online, and I noticed that they tend to be either really great posts or really toxic posts. The truth is it is your choice on how you want to present yourself to the world. And I get it, the world is a really crazy place right now and there are things that make us angry and we want to rant and go online and do it. However, getting angry and trying to get your friends upset with toxic. Bullshit is a horrible thing to do in my opinion. We’re better than that. Let’s talk about making the world a better place and talk about how we’re going to do it instead of a whole bunch of toxic shit that just makes us all upset and ruins our day. We can do better we can be better than we are The some of the things that we write about and what we read about. I know there’s a lot of things that we need to discuss and fix but if it’s done in a spiteful, hateful manner just to cause division, then that really doesn’t help move the world forward let’s do better , it’s your choice.
