Category: Relationships

  • Wasted Love, Wasted Time: The Ghosting Cycle and Its Destructive Toll

    Wasted Love, Wasted Time: The Ghosting Cycle and Its Destructive Toll

    Love is one of the most powerful forces in the world—a force that can build, heal, and inspire. But when love is wasted, when time is invested in someone who refuses to heal, the aftermath can be devastating. For many, ghosting has become a common escape route, a way to avoid dealing with emotions, confrontation, and self-growth. But this behavior isn’t just about vanishing from someone’s life; it’s about the ripple effect of destruction that follows in its wake.

    When a woman—broken, unhealed, and unwilling to face her own pain—chooses to ghost rather than communicate, she is not just protecting herself. She is actively harming the person who cared, who invested time, energy, and love into something real. The silence left behind is not empty; it is filled with confusion, self-doubt, and unresolved emotions for the one left behind. And in reality, the ghoster herself is often running in circles, trapped in her own cycle of avoidance and unhealed wounds.

    The modern world encourages detachment. We are told to move on quickly, to cut people off, to protect our peace at any cost. But what if the cost is too great? What if, in dodging pain, we create more of it? A woman who ghosts may think she is sparing herself discomfort, but she is also denying herself the opportunity to grow, to confront, and to heal in a way that fosters real emotional maturity.

    Love deserves closure, even if that closure is difficult. Conversations may be uncomfortable, but they are necessary. They offer clarity, respect, and an end to speculation. Without them, wounds linger longer than they should, and both parties suffer. The one ghosted questions their worth, while the ghoster remains trapped in a pattern of avoidance that will repeat itself in future relationships.

    To those who have been ghosted—know this: it was never about you. It was about someone who could not bear to face themselves. Your love was not wasted; your time was not in vain. Growth comes from pain, and through it, you will rise stronger.

    To those who ghost—healing does not come from running. It comes from facing what scares you, from learning to communicate, and from giving others the respect of closure. Growth only happens when we break cycles, not when we reinforce them.

    Love is never truly wasted, but time is precious. How we handle both speaks to the depth of our character. Choose growth over avoidance. Choose healing over hurt. Choose to face, rather than to fade.

  • Love: You Don’t Get a Choice

    Love: You Don’t Get a Choice

    I’m probably the first to admit that you don’t really get a choice in who you fall in love with. In my 55 years of living, I’ve learned that there are some people who will stick with you for your entire life. These are the people you will always hold a place for in your heart, the ones you’ll love forever.

    I don’t know why it works that way. One day, you meet someone, and from that moment, it’s like a part of you decides they’re your person. I have one of those people in my life.

    That’s not to say I haven’t loved others. Love is abundant, something we’re capable of feeling and sharing with many people. Yet, for some reason, we’ve been conditioned to believe love must be exclusive—that you can only focus on one person at a time. Relationships? That’s different. Relationships require boundaries, commitment, and exclusivity. But love? Love is bigger than that. You can have meaningful connections with multiple people, and it’s just as real every time.

    The tricky part is reciprocity. When someone reciprocates your feelings, it’s an incredible experience. But putting yourself out there, risking rejection—that’s where fear creeps in. That’s why we call it a “crush”—because the rejection can truly crush you. Before the reveal, it’s just infatuation, a sweet, unspoken thing. But once you confess your feelings, it becomes real.

    Back to the person who’s held my heart for what feels like a lifetime. I don’t think these feelings will ever fade. Does that stop me from pursuing other connections? Not at all. I’m not stuck. But if the opportunity arose, if the stars aligned, you can bet I’d take the leap.

    Why not? At this point in my life, what do I have to lose? That’s the thing about love: it feels risky. There’s a fear of losing something—your dignity, your pride, your heart. And maybe that’s why we keep silent.

    I’ve also learned that not every deep connection is romantic. Sometimes people think you’re in love with them when you’re not. You can gel with someone beautifully and still have it be purely platonic—a deep, amazing friendship. And friendships are treasures. But love? Love is something else entirely.

    Love isn’t about sex, beauty, or fleeting moments of passion. Sure, those things might play a part, but they aren’t the foundation. For me, it’s not about oxytocin or hormones. Love is something mental, almost magical. I’ve said before that I’m sapiosexual—drawn to intelligence—and there’s truth in that. I’ve let go of people in my life who couldn’t meet me as an equal. And yes, it’s better to be alone than to settle. Settling for a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you is one of the worst things you can do.

    If it’s not working, if it’s all fights and fear, get out. There should be no mediocrity in love. Mediocre relationships aren’t relationships—they’re conveniences at best.

    Here’s the truth: you’ll likely love multiple people in your life. Some loves will last a lifetime, and others will come and go like a random Tuesday. Each connection will bring its own magic, and some might stay while others fade. Love is recognizing that the person you’re with makes your life a little better every time you’re with them.

    It’s not just cuddling on the couch or romantic gestures. Love is mental. It’s the unspoken magic of being understood, of feeling seen. And when you find someone who gets you and wants you as much as you want them? That’s the rare, extraordinary thing.

    So when I say you don’t get a choice, I mean it. Love finds you, whether you’re ready or not. It’s like Cupid’s arrow—it strikes, and suddenly, you’re smitten. You meet this person, and you just know: They’re it.

    And after that, you’re stuck—in the best way possible.

  • New Rules

    Pandemic blues have hit me hard. It’s tough being alone, and sometimes you really need a single person in your life. There are lots of jokes about how there will be a lot of divorces after this pandemic is over. I don’t know if that is as true as it seems. Life can be hard and cruel when you have no one.

    So at the moment, I have space for a best friend. I need someone life in person, whom I can look in face, whom I can spend quality time with. So I’ve got some rules about this BFF in the future based on what I know I need.

    • Be ok with making plans. Friends should see each other with the future in mind, and not just a distraction.
    • Call me up for fun times. Not just when they need something.
    • Communicate clearly. This is hard because we don’t like to hurt each other’s feelings, but it’s something that we need to do, and sometimes it may mean telling it like it is.
    • Talk about, Philia: Affectionate love, because the longer we are friends, the closer a bond will form between us. Love is an important glue for deep friendships. But with love comes the potential for a broken friendship and a broken heart.

    I don’t know if it is that difficult to find someone who will see things the same way I do, but I know I need to ensure that I’m making sure that these are on the radar, because if I don’t, then I will fall into the same situation again and again.

  • SailorJX – What plan will you take?

    Have you ever realized that we are made up of plans?  I am no different.  So I thought I would tell you about the plans that I offer, and see which plan you may like to have.

    Basic SailorJX

    • Friended or followed on one or more of a number of social networks.
    • Your posts liked/loved on occasion.
    • Some light conversation.

    Basic Plus SailorJX

    You get all of the Basic package plus

    • Standardized birthday greetings if you list your birthday.
    • Interaction on your posts, about once every two weeks.

    Premium SailorJX

    In order to qualify for Premium SailorJX access, you must have met me in real life (IRL), or we have a long standing Basic Plus account.

    • Messaging on multiple platforms.
    • Promotion of your social media posts.
    • Some fun flirting.

    Premium Xtra SailorJX

    All the premium features and:

    • Private Snapchats customized just for you.
    • Invites to coffee or a drink (My Treat) and not just on your birthday.
    • Texting.

    Platinum

    This is where the world changes.

    • Invites to exercise events, such as running races.
    • Invites to theme parks.
    • Invites to movies.
    • Invites to dinner.
    • Best conversations.
    • And more…
    • You are considered a real friend.

    Platinum After Dark (Also known as the Trust Package)

    At this point you have most everything, except I expose you to my more secretive side.  You get to find out all the juicy things and I freely share everything about myself with you.  Yes, we are all freaks, but you get to discover even more about the craziness and fun that happens after dark.

    Uranium level

    If you are at uranium level you are in the smallest subset of people on the planet.  Here is what you have access to:

    • My undying love.
    • Promise to be there when you need me.
    • Someone who thinks about you often.
    • A desire to spend my free time with you.
    • A readiness to give you feedback and say the hard things and be accepting of you giving me that same bitting feedback because it will only make us better.
    • The No Judgement Zone!

    This uranium level is available to a limited number of people. Many family members are at this level, but sadly not all family is entitled to Uranium level.   It is not gender specific, but may or may not include the Platinum After dark package.

    Uranium is named after the precious metal that powers submarines, and it lasts a lifetime.

    Plutonium level

    This level includes everything and a desire to build a life with you.

    Plutonium is super explosive stuff when properly used.  Just like the how you feel when you are around that special someone.