it’s such a paradox
because i hate you
but i love you
and i can’t stand seeing you all of the time
but not seeing you makes my days feel incomplete
just like not talking to you constantly makes me feel like something is missing
but talking to you all of the time reminds me that something is missing
because nothing is the same
even though everything (almost everything) is back to the way it used to be
when you hug me, i never want to let go
but i can’t stand your arms around me anymore
it just reminds me of everything we had
and lost
and when i look into your eyes,
i get so lost
because i remember the sparkle that once greeted me
the sparkle that dimmed the same way our spark had burnt out
and i lose myself in memories
i desperately i wish i could forget
but that i never want to let go of
the same way you and i can’t seem to let go of each other
but part of me wishes you would
don’t hold my hand so tight
but for the love of god, please don’t let me escape your grasp
every time i try to push you away
i just end up pulling you back
and the one person i feel as though i can tell everything to
i can’t utter a word of to
it’s like i’m constantly drowning
and you’re the water
but you’re also the one who gives me mouth to mouth
(cc, 2017)