Anyone who knows me knows that I value friendship. There are a lot of things in this world that one could talk about being important, but the bonds between people mean so much to me.

Friendship is about giving one thing of yourself to someone else that you can never get back, and that is your time.

We choose who and how we spend our time. Having shared experiences and recalling them with old friends over the years is more than nostalgia, it unlocks parts of our brains that make us feel alive and remember how full of life we are.

We have acquaintances and we have friends. It is important to know the difference. If you look at a place like Facebook or LinkedIn and see your “Friends” or “Connections” you might ask yourself, are these really my friends? I think some are friends, and some are just casual online connections. Even if you’ve met them in real life.

What is a friend?

A friend is someone who actually wants to be part of your life. They are more than an online Facebook birthday wish (And believe me, I am all about the birthday wishes). A friend sees and hears, then picks up the phone and calls you, or drives over, or engages you. A friends checks up on you. A friend wants you in their life.

But what about that friend that you don’t talk to for a year, then you re-connect and it’s like you bridge the gap of time and it’s like the quiet time didn’t matter? We all get busy. As we get older we do find ourselves getting busy. People have primary romantic relationships, kids, jobs, and there is only so much time to have connections; so it can be easy to think we’ll get back to that friend and forget.

Forgiveness

Friendship is about knowing you have an amazing history of shared experiences, and a breadth of life that at one point you intersected with and sometimes that intersection will diverge. That’s ok. But forgive yourself for not being as engaged. Forgive your friend for not being as engaged. When the opportunity comes, and there is time, make it happen. Forget the past, and let bygones be bygones. Holding on to hurt feelings will never let you move forward, and you’ll only have bitter memories.

Don’t have disposable friends

I do not have disposable friends. I would like to believe that I would go out of my way for my friends. Sometimes I have not be able to be where I wanted to be to help a friend, but life hasn’t always workout in the ways that I think they would. Be consistent. Show up as much as possible. I saw a meme that said, tell your friends you love them and make it weird. I agree. Why spend time with people you just tolerate, that’s work.

I have been very fortunate to have people in my life that have shared the path on my journey, and stick with me. These are the people I value, they are in no way disposable. Sometimes they are distant, and sometimes they engage me in ways that make all the difference in the world. There is nothing more appreciated than someone who takes the time and reminds you that you are important to them. Take the time and be a friend.